S. W. Raine

This is a blog post I never thought I’d write. Neil Gaiman has been my favorite author for over 20 years. My number one inspiration, the writer I idolized. But now, after Neil Gaiman’s accusations of sexual misconduct, I’m in mourning. I’m mourning the person I thought he was, the joy his work brought me, and the trust I once had in him.

From Denial to Disappointment

When the first of Neil Gaiman’s accusations came to light, I refused to believe it. Not Neil Gaiman. It’s impossible. But as the third, fourth, and fifth accusers shared their stories, my denial turned into anger and then disappointment. The kind of disappointment that feels personal, especially since I’ve met him, albeit briefly, during a book signing on his The Ocean at the End of the Lane tour. It was a quick exchange—just a hello as he signed my books—but it made him feel all the more real to me.

The Role He Played in My Life

Neil Gaiman wasn’t just an author to me. He was the author. He shaped in me a new love of stories and inspired me to study and learn from his style. His books fill two whole shelves in my house. Novels, comics, anthologies, children’s books, all of it.

When I first moved to the US, my husband took me to Borders, and I grabbed a copy of American Gods. I had no idea who Neil Gaiman was, but I instantly fell in love with that book. From there, I was on a mission to track down everything else he’d written. I loved American Gods so much I ended up with multiple editions (and because a lot of those came bundled with Anansi Boys, I ended up with extra copies of that too. Ha!).

These books represent so much more than stories to me. They’re memories of discovery, inspiration, and joy. But now, when I look at those shelves, I don’t feel good. They don’t bring me the same happiness they once did.

Believing the Accusers

With so many more women coming forward, I believe them. Neil Gaiman’s accusations are serious and deeply troubling. The details in the Vulture article were heartbreaking. One of the most disturbing parts, for me, was what allegedly happened in front of his son. It’s a lot to process when someone you admired so much is accused of things like this.

If you choose to read the Vulture article on this subject, please be aware that it includes detailed accounts of abuse. I recommend approaching it with care, as it could be triggering.

Feeling Conflicted

I don’t know what to do with all this. On the one hand, I can’t look at his books the same way. On the other, they’ve been such an important part of my life. I don’t want to erase those memories, but I can’t ignore the pain these women have shared either.

It’s hard to make sense of how the writer who brought me so much joy could also be accused of causing so much harm.

Moving Forward

Right now, I’m holding two truths:

1. Neil Gaiman’s work had a huge impact on me.
2. The allegations against him are serious and deeply troubling.

I don’t have a perfect answer for how to move forward. I just know that I can’t ignore this, even though it hurts.

For now, I’m in mourning. I’m mourning the person I thought Neil Gaiman was, the joy his work brought me, and the trust I placed in him. The books are still on my shelves, but they feel different now… like a shadow over memories I once cherished. Maybe I’ll pack them away.

What about you? Have you ever had to grapple with something like this when someone you admired deeply let you down? How did you process it? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Let’s start a conversation about how we navigate the complexities of art, creators, and the stories we love.

Raine