Self-Doubt and Author Imposter Syndrome
How is everyone doing in these uncertain times of social distancing? I hope that you are all well and staying safe and healthy.
I’ve been having some anxiety lately. Sure, I worry about not having enough food to feed my family while everyone panic-buys, but my anxiety is also because of self-doubt as an author.
I remember the first time that I had ever heard the term “Imposter Syndrome”. One of the Authors from a Discord channel I’m in had mentioned it as she struggled with it. I looked it up and found out that it’s when you think you’re not good enough- that people will think that you are not good at what you do. I didn’t understand it at the time. “But she is an amazing author!” I found myself thinking. “Why would she ever think that about herself?”
I’ve since heard it from a few different authors, and still really didn’t understand it… Until I found myself thinking the same.
In January, I had sent out my draft to three Alpha Readers; two avid reader friends, and my mum. But I never heard back from my friends, despite my weekly reminders that I needed their critique by February. My mum had replied, however. She thought that it was very good. She answered my questions, found some inconsistencies, helped me with my military terms, and even corrected a few spelling mistakes when I told her not to. Haha! And at first, I was excited. But then the self-doubt kicked in. What if she’s just saying that it was good because she’s my mum?
Last weekend I posted for a call for Beta Readers on my Instagram and Twitter account. I have two Beta Readers already lined up, but needed a few extra just in case. But even before then, I had been stressing about it. What if my Beta Readers think that it is pure and utter trash? And if my Beta Readers don’t get back to me, then what if my Editor thinks that it’s pure and utter trash?
I was full on into self-doubt and the Imposter Syndrome that I had originally thought was ridiculous. “My novel sucks”. “I’ll never be as good as Neil Gaiman.” “These other Indie authors are so much better than me.”
Thankfully, another author helped me feel a little less stressed about it when I vented to her. She told me that it wasn’t going to be trash, but, as with all drafts, could use some improvements (and they would hopefully specify where I need to change things).
And she’s right.
I’m still anxious about it, but at least it’s not crippling anxiety. At least I know that I am not a garbage author, but a first-time author. And as with all things, practice makes perfect.
What are your thoughts on self-doubt and author imposter syndrome? Let me know in the comments!
Raine